When I found this book, I thought maybe I’d glean a little bit of work advice, like how to recover professionally when I accidentally closed the door on the GMs forehead (putting my hand over my security badge so he wouldn’t know my name and running away might not have been the best choice, but hindsight is 20/20). But I knew I didn’t care about how to become president of the company, so I figured it would be a quick skim of a read.

But the advice offered in this book fits all people at all levels of corporate America and beyond. It’s really a manual for knowing what you want in life and being confident enough to go after it. I think women tend to be apologetic if we ask for what we want or we worry that if we tell people what to do we may be viewed as “bitchy.” I’m pretty sure men don’t worry about this kind of thing. Here is Black’s advice for how to “be direct without being overbearing”:

• Focus on being respected rather than being liked. Respect is in your control, being liked is not.
• Be aware of the fine line between humor and sarcasm – Learn to recognize the difference between a funny remark and a cutting remark.
• Don’t communicate through hints – say what you mean. It’s frustrating for the people who work with you to try to guess at what you want.
• Trust that your comments will be received in the spirit they were delivered – in other words, stop worrying about how people will take things, and say what you need to say.

Black says you should orchestrate and expect your own success- in whatever you do: your work, your business, your relationships, parenting, everything. This book will remind you that you are powerful enough to get what you want, and it will give you practical tools to take action.

“Being relaxed, at peace with yourself, confident, emotionally neutral, loose, and free-floating-these are the keys to successful performance in almost everything you do.”– Wayne Dyer

Do you ever think about how powerful your mind is? Can you imagine that you have the power to “intend” everything you want in your life? According to Wayne Dyer, we all have that power and strength within ourselves. In his book, _The Power of Intention_, Dyer tells us that the universe is a force of energy that we can tap into to achieve what we desire. But one thing that can get in the way is our ego. The ego is the idea of who you are, but according to Dyer, identifying yourself as your body, your achievements and your possessions is ego-driven behavior that we must work to get past this in order to live the power of intention.

Seven steps for overcoming ego:

1. Stop being offended – that which offends you only weakens you, and if you are looking for a reason to be offended you will find it. Stay in peace.
2. Let go of your need to win – Ego wants to divide us into winners and losers, but your wins and losses in life do not define you.
3. Let go of your need to be right – this is really a need to make other people wrong.
4. Let go of your need to be superior – Dyer says “true nobility is not about being better than someone else, it’s about being better than you used to be.” Don’t make comparisons.
5. Let go of your need to have more – The ego is never satisfied, it is perpetually striving, never arriving. You’ve already arrived, and how you use this present moment is your choice.
6. Let go of identifying yourself on the basis of your achievements – You can be grateful and proud of your achievements, but Dyer says your achievements are not what define you.
7. Let go of your reputation – your reputation is not in you, it resides in the minds of others. Take responsibility for your character and leave your reputation for others to debate. Do what you do because your inner voice directs you to.

If you’ve ever felt like you have no control over a situation, that you can’t do what you want to do because of some outside force holding you back, you need to read this book. Even if you don’t have a dream to send out to the universe, even if you don’t believe that the universe or higher power will send you what you desire, this book will help you realize that the power is within you.

What’s Next?
What if you realize, wow, sitting in meetings all day is not helping me turn into a more self-actualized person and is definitely not what I dreamed of doing when I was a kid planning my life from the top of the jungle gym?

Much is written online about finding your passion or that perfect career. But the best career advice I have found on this topic is by Penelope Trunk, in her blog post Steps To Figuring Out Your Next Career Move. Trunk is practical; she understands that you may not love you job, but you can love your paycheck and benefits, and you can sit tight on that until new opportunity presents itself.

I may not love my job; I don’t go into work and think, “yay, 100 emails to read, 10 of which will require action by me, it’s up to me to figure out which ones, and go!” but it does allow me to do the activities outside of work that feed my soul, like writing and spending time with family. And I am not so connected to my job that if I got fired or decided to move on it would be a tragedy. But the pay is good enough to make it worthwhile, the benefits are great, and I really like the people I work with.

I think the key is to realize that your job at the moment is the vehicle for your real career, which encompasses everything you do in your life, not just the on-the-clock stuff. If you hate your job, by all means take steps to get out. Ask yourself what you really want, and then make a plan. Take small steps to make a change, whether it means saving money so you can go back to school, or creating contacts so you can do what you really want to do. Don’t stay for a promised promotion, the money, the title, the retirement (does anyone get that anymore?), or the benefits. Make your own way, create all those things for yourself.

If you do need to make a career change, and you want to read something motivating about not following the rules that society or your parents mapped out for you, check out Steve Jobs’s 2005 Stanford commencement address.

Jobs says, “don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice.”

This is great advice, because the only person who knows what you should do with your career is you.

• Make rules for yourself and hold yourself accountable on your refrigerator. Do you have problems with late night snacking? Make a rule that you can’t eat anything after 7:00, and put a piece of paper on your refrigerator that says “Food Eaten After 7:00 – February.” You can eat whatever you want after 7:00, but you have to write it all down on that piece of paper. Even if it’s 5 M&Ms, write it down. If going cold turkey on after-dinner snacks is a horrifying proposition, make a rule that you will only eat fruits and veggies after dinner, then next month try cutting off all p.m. snacks. This trick also works well for the office donuts and your coworker’s candy bowl that you can’t seem to avoid. You can eat that stuff, but you have to write it down. After a while, you just don’t want to write one more thing on that piece of paper, so you quit eating all the things you know you shouldn’t eat.
• Make a work-out agreement with a like-minded friend. Do you and your friends complain about how you just can’t make it to the gym? Agree that if you both make all of your workouts, you get to have a treat. My agreement is with a coworker, and if we complete 4 workouts per week we meet in the break room for candy bars on Friday. Sometimes, when I am not motivated to go to the gym for myself, I do it so she can get her Snickers bar. The other part of our agreement is that we can’t have candy bars any other time except Friday. You don’t have to work out together for this agreement to work.
• Limit restaurant eating. Allow a certain amount of eating out per month. I only get an expensive calorie-laden coffee drink once per week, pizza once per month, and fast food twice per month. Once I have used them up, that’s it for me, so I use them carefully. Your budget will also benefit from this rule.

It feels like a lot of rules, but really, any goal you make will have action that you must take, so this is really just an action plan for health.

1. Take a bath, with lots of bubbles, candles and your favorite CD- stay in there until you are pruney and don’t answer the phone!
2. Go to a coffee shop, order the coolest, whipped-creamiest drink, find the best couch in the house and read your favorite book or write in you journal for at least an hour.
3. Learn to knit. Do you know people who knit? They are obsessed; there must be a good reason. Find out why.
4. Be a local tourist. Pretend like you are visiting your home town and do that touristy thing you always wanted to do but never made time for.
5. Buy new underwear. Okay, weird right? But doesn’t it feel great to have brand new underwear, not those stretched out old ones? Do it for yourself, not because anyone else will see them.
6. Make a list of all of your accomplishments, and post it on your refrigerator. Include everything: being voted Best Smile in 6th grade, college graduation, last week when you avoided the hot Krispy Kremes at work, everything.
7. Make bread by hand. It’s easy, yet not, time consuming, yet not, and kneading bread dough is very therapeutic. And the end result is fantastic.
8. Take a trash hike. Go to your favorite trail with a garbage bag and clear all the trash you can find. You’ll feel great every time you go back and visit that spot.
9. Purge your stuff. You won’t believe how relaxing it feels to clear some stuff and create uncluttered physical space.
10. Start reading an epic. Roots, East of Eden, Gone with the Wind, the Thorn Birds; pick the longest book you can find and dive in. Reading an epic novel is like being invited to a huge family reunion; the characters let you in and each one tells you their story one by one, and in someone’s story you always find your own.

This Valentine’s Day, be kind to yourself. Find a way a way to treat yourself and appreciate how great you are. You don’t need someone else to do that for you.

This certifies that I resolve not to waste energy by gossiping, complaining or talking meanly about other people. And if I do, I have to confess to [Insert NAME], who will then be very supportive and motivating and not judging. I also resolve not to take things personally, because most things are not personal. I will only focus on what I know to be true.

So far it’s working, because the shame of going and confessing five times a day starts to get to you after a while. But there is one peril of the pact: you can’t retell the same gossip when you fess up to your gossip transgressions. You can’t give so much background information that you are now gossiping again. And what is gossip and what is venting? We all need to vent, right?

The way I decide is that if it’s a real problem that I might need input on, a problem that needs action, then it’s venting. But if I am just telling some story because I want the attention or want to be the funniest person in the room for that moment, it’s gossip.

The pact really forces you to look at how you socialize, and ask yourself if you are being kind to people. Is it kind to talk about how people dress, who they hang out with, how drunk they were last Saturday, or something they said that you thought was stupid? I ask myself, how would I feel if someone said that about me? The thing is, I really want to end every day feeling like I did the best I could do, and gossiping is not my best. So I have my pact, and I think it works.

I read a statistic , based on an Associated Press poll, that says one in four adults read zero books per year. The average adult who does read only reads 4 books per year, the poll says. We all know the practical reasons why reading will make you successful, but here’s why reading more than four books a year is good for your soul:

• It’s never too late to learn something new.
  Reading takes you back to how it felt when you were a kid, with a spongy mind that needed to know everything. Because when you read, especially non-fiction, you learn things that you just can’t learn from Google searches. So you never have to say “I’m too old,” or “I don’t know much about that,” or “that wasn’t my best subject in school.” It’s never to late to become an expert on a topic that interests you.

• Books are cheap therapy.
  When you read a book about someone who has gone through the same struggles you have, or who has the same crazy thoughts you do, you feel connected to someone else, just like when you spill your guts out to a really good friend.

• Reading is communicating.
  You might not think so, but those words on paper are a conversation between you and a writer. Your mind and thoughts are responding to what you read, and you are connecting to someone who you may not have connected with in your little circle of family, friends and work.

• A book is like an all-access pass - to everything.
  Books don’t care what year it is, where you live, or even how much money you make. They take you wherever you want to go and invite you to meet all kinds of people. And when you reread a book, you are connected to your own past. Gone With the Wind takes me back to camping in New Mexico, and Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood reminds me of the summer after I graduated college, when I felt elated because I could read whatever I wanted and not have to write essays about the book.

Books reminds you who you are, where you’ve been, and what the world once was or could be. They offer endless possibilities. I don’t think I could even count the amount of books I read last year without a calculator and a mathematical formula, but if you are one who only reads a few books a year, I hope 2008 will be the year that you read more books. Not because you’ll make more money or be more interesting at parties, but because your brain and your heart need a connection to the world, and a good book connects you like nothing else.

The fight-or-flight response, we know what that is: Big bear chase me, run fast! Or, Only One Twix in the Vending Machine, Get Outta My Way! We know how to relieve stress, but what if you could beat stress to the punch through preparation?

Roman philosopher Seneca said “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”

However, on the flip side, if we revise this a little:
Stress is what happens when no preparation meets opportunity.

Let’s take a common stressor – tax day. What if you wait until April 14th, turn your house upside down trying to find forms and receipts, decide to do it yourself, then mess it up, call the tax place, beg for an appointment and get your taxes mailed at 9:00 p.m. April 15th. This extreme example may not apply to how you do your taxes, but is this how you might operate in other aspects of your life?

Preparation goes along way

Think about what stresses you out and ask yourself if a little bit of preparation will help you. For example, are you running late every morning? Ask yourself what you can do the night before to make things run more smoothly in the morning. Pack your lunch, put important items by the door or in your car, lay out your outfit, iron your clothes, etc.

Does the “What to Eat for Dinner” question stress you out every day? Make a plan. Decide in the morning what you are doing. Even if your plan is picking up a pizza on the way home, at least you have a plan and you can put the question out of your mind for the rest of the day.

Part of preparation and stress reduction is deciding when you need help and asking for it.

Let’s look at the tax example again: What if you get your taxes done professionally? No stress, the tax preparer gives you a nice little package, finds more write-offs than you ever would, gets you in and out in 30 minutes, and files electronically. In my opinion, it’s totally worth it.

Do you change your own oil? Rent the steam cleaner and clean your own carpets? Wash and detail your car every weekend? Make homemade frosted cupcakes for all the school parties? Doing all these things is great, but if you don’t have any time to relax and you are always stressed about getting everything done, consider outsourcing your tasks to a professional. Buy the pretty cupcakes at the bakery now and then. It costs a little bit more, but your health and sanity make it worth it.

1. Buy an insulated bag – it will keep your lunch cooler and you won’t be throwing out paper bags every day.
2. Buy snacks. When you grocery shop, think lunches and leftovers. All of those prepackaged snacks are fine, but you can also just buy Ziplocs or small Tupperware containers and make your own snack packs, which is cheaper and gives you more control over your portion sizes . Wash and cut produce ahead of time, then place in containers or baggies so that you can just grab and go. A few good snack ideas: pretzels, dried fruit, nuts, cheese and crackers, yogurt, granola, and fresh fruits and veggies. Meal replacement bars like Luna and Balance are good, I always cut mine in half, since a whole bar is a lot of calories for a snack.
3. Take leftovers. When you are done cooking dinner, put your leftovers in a small container right away (if you don’t have any leftovers, consider doubling your recipe). If you don’t like leftovers, buy some frozen dinners, bread and lunchmeat for sandwiches, pita bread and hummus, or salad and cooked chicken. If you run out of ideas, think about what you would order in a restaurant and try to duplicate it in a healthier, smaller portion way. For example, if you love pizza, buy a mini dough and load it with veggies and a little bit of cheese (the good stuff, not the non-fat spongy stuff!)
4. Pack your lunch the night before. If you wait until the morning, you run out of time and then you are back to buying lunch and scrounging for vending machine quarters.

Is going to lunch with coworkers a social expectation? Suggest a walk or a meeting over coffee instead. Or meet in a park with your packed lunches. It’s not about the food, it’s about the company. And if they are going to be weird and judgmental about your lunch, who needs them right? I mean, are we in 5th grade?

You will be amazed how much money and calories you will save with a little bit of planning, and I personally find I am much more efficient at work when I am not thinking about where to go for lunch and what to get out of the vending machine.

• Food allergies
• Alcohol
• Stress
• Birth control
• Hormonal changes
• Weather changes

The list seems to go on but the key is how these things change the chemical balance in your body. They can cause your body to release various chemicals including, histamine and serotonin, which intern, causes an imbalance in the way your blood vessels dilate. The result can be a migraine.

Where to begin:

Trial and error.

Food allergies tend to be the main culprit for most common migraines. Foods such as red wine, aged cheese and beer can cause your blood vessels to expand, possibly resulting in a migraine.

Try starting a food diary and keep track of the foods and drinks you consume along with the frequency of your migraines. Food additives can also cause migraines in sensitive individuals, so keep that in mind when recording your diet in your food diary.
Some foods to look out for:

• Red wine (more so than white due to red wine having a higher concentration of histamine.)
• White wine
• Beer
• Aged cheese
• Canned figs
• Chicken liver
• Chocolate
• Pickled fish
• Brewer’s yeast

These are the most common foods for migraines however, your body maybe different. The best way is to keep an accurate food diary, eat a healthy, well balanced diet, eat small portions every few hours, avoid sugar and refined carbohydrates and focus on whole grains, fresh fruit and vegetables.

Next steps

Relax

For most of us, learning to decompress can be a challenge. But learning to control your mind and stress levels can be rewarding and beneficial to your health.
What do you do to relax and get away from the day-to-day?
Some of the most common ways to relax:

• Reading
• Painting
• Writing
• Taking a bath
• Listening to music
• Yoga
• Meditation
• Going to a spa

These all work just fine but for me the challenge is turning off my brain. If I have a pressing issue like a deadline or a new project idea my thoughts will keep me up all night.
I need more of a distraction or different ideas to relax and just let go.
What works for me

• Video games – I’m a self proclaimed computer geek so video games are an easy way for me to enter a different world, one where my real world can’t touch me, at least for a little while.
• Getting out in nature – This one has the added advantage of relatively no technology; no cell phones, no computer, no email. Even a walk with my dogs can relieve the stress of the day.
• Talking to friends and family – Sometimes all you need is a great conversation to get those nagging thoughts out of your mind.
• Write it down – I keep a little notebook by my bed with a pen for those “wake you up out of a dead sleep great ideas”. Those ideas that just don’t let you fall back to sleep. A quick jot in my notebook seems to work well.

It’s important to find what works for you. Relaxing usually isn’t a “one-size-fits-all” kind of deal.

Finally

Natural Dietary Supplements

Coenzyme Q10
Co – Q10 is a compound made naturally by your body and helps turn food into energy. Impaired energy production can set the stage for a migraine. Co – Q10 can boost energy production and help prevent a migraine. Coenzyme Q10is sold as a dietary supplement and can be purchased online or in a dietary supplements store. Be prepared for a hefty price however, Co – Q10 is not cheap. Expect to pay between $50 and $100 per month.

Feverfew
Feverfew, a plant in the sunflower family, grows throughout Europe, North America and Australia. It’s extract, derived from the dried leaves of the plant, can help prevent migraines. Feverfew can reduce the frequency and severity of migraine attacks however, it is not useful during a migraine.

Magnesium
Magnesium, a mineral, plays an essential role in your body. It helps with building strong bones, clotting blood, maintaining healthy cells, and relaxing muscles. It also can help with increasing energy production, similar to Co – Q10, and help migraine attacks. Magnesium as a supplement, it is recommended that 300 milligrams per day for adult women is best. But there are several magnesium rich foods that you can use to supplement your diet.
Magnesium rich foods

• Kelp
• Raw Almonds
• Cashews
• Brazil Nuts
• Peanuts
• Brown Rice
• Apricots
• Avocado

Sometimes a natural remedy can be more effective and a healthier solution than a prescription. For myself, taking the time to relax and eating raw almonds seem to help with preventing any migraines. Hopefully, the answer for you can be found in this article.
Resources
Online

• Mayo Clinic
• University of Maryland Medical Center
• Oregon State

Print

• The Encyclopedia of Healing Foods by Michael Murray, N.D.

* The information in this article is not intended as medical advice and should not replace the advice of your physician.

I’m not a doctor, nor do I claim to be one. As I said above, I am a computer geek, one that loves information and helping others. If this article has helped you, please leave a comment and tell us about it.