My coworker and I were complaining and gossiping about all the people we work with who won’t stop complaining and gossiping, and I thought, what can we do to get these people in gear, man? And then I realized that if you want to change the world you have to start with yourself. So we made a pact. It looks like this:
This certifies that I resolve not to waste energy by gossiping, complaining or talking meanly about other people. And if I do, I have to confess to [Insert NAME], who will then be very supportive and motivating and not judging. I also resolve not to take things personally, because most things are not personal. I will only focus on what I know to be true.
So far it’s working, because the shame of going and confessing five times a day starts to get to you after a while. But there is one peril of the pact: you can’t retell the same gossip when you fess up to your gossip transgressions. You can’t give so much background information that you are now gossiping again. And what is gossip and what is venting? We all need to vent, right?
The way I decide is that if it’s a real problem that I might need input on, a problem that needs action, then it’s venting. But if I am just telling some story because I want the attention or want to be the funniest person in the room for that moment, it’s gossip.
The pact really forces you to look at how you socialize, and ask yourself if you are being kind to people. Is it kind to talk about how people dress, who they hang out with, how drunk they were last Saturday, or something they said that you thought was stupid? I ask myself, how would I feel if someone said that about me? The thing is, I really want to end every day feeling like I did the best I could do, and gossiping is not my best. So I have my pact, and I think it works.
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